Tuesday, February 08, 2005

It's coming off slow, but its coming off...

Okay, so I have been dieting now for about 17 years. And I am only 29. I was always really skinny as a little kid, I was allergic to dairy and a very picky eater. I would only eat mashed potatoes, french fries, and the fat off the ends of pork chops. But my parents were never alarmed, they wanted me to eat SOMETHING, so it was really no big deal. That was until puberty hit at age 11. I remember going into the Gap instead of the kids section at JC Penny's and having to buy size 1 jeans, because my hips were too big for the size 12 (kids size mind you) in the girls section. Then in 7th grade, everyone had Guess Jeans, and I was so bummed because I had to wear a size 27 while everyone else wore a 24 or 26. (But I pulled up a pair of size 27 now and damn do I wish that I could even squeeze a leg into those!) Feeling extremely fat compared to my peers, I tried to unsuccessfully diet, by only eating apples and peanut butter, but no matter what, I was always a size ahead of everyone I knew. Finally in high school, at 16, I went on weight watchers with my mom-- I was 134 pounds, which felt humongous on my 5'1 frame, and I successfully lost 14 pounds just in time for prom. But over the summer I gained it all back, and spent the next five years gaining. On the eve of my 21st birthday, I was tired of not being able to wear a bikini on spring break and wearing half shirts out at clubs, so I went to mexico and bought diet pills (you know, the ones they banned-- Fen Phen and something that started with an R) and lost 30 or 40 pounds, and kept it off for awhile, but over the next 8 years it all creeped back. I went back to Weight Watchers last year and was shocked that I weighed 148. I quit after 3 weeks, having lost nothing, and then over the year, after getting a desk job and quitting my only aeorobic activity, waitressing, proceded to gain another 18 pounds. My "A-Ha" moment was when I walked out of my house, wearing a peach fitted sweatshirt and black skirt, and someone in big obnoxious truck yelled "You really shouldn't wear orange, you look like a pumpkin!" I ran back upstairs crying. My boyfriend, the sweetest thing in the world, wanted to go find the guys and kick their ass, but it was that moment that I had had enough. So now I went to Lindora, paid a ridiculous amount of money, but since December lost 15 pounds. I was kinda bummed because i felt like I should have lost more by now, but hey, 17 years of dieting might slow things down a bit. My goal is to be thin by 30. And I know that I shouldn't say this, and people say all body types are different, blah blah, whatever, I really am going to be thin, very thin, LA Thin, but that is another entry.


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